The littlest doorknockers
I haven’t quite lost the concept of time and still do my laundry on weekends so I know the two days I can open the blinds and front door to allow the sunshine in without risk of door-to-door salespeople pissing me off. I completely forgot about Halloween until I saw pairs of tiny feet scampering along the path and the dogs going gangbusters at the mini-invasion of kids wearing bedsheets behind the screen door. Busted!
The kids shouted, “Trick or treat!” and I asked if they’d like two barking dogs. Sarcasm was lost on their innocent minds. Their mother gave me a knowing look. I ran to the pantry and hoped optimistically that the middle shelf was stocked with lollies, even though I haven’t bought lollies children might like for perhaps a year. I found Dutch liquorice, strong organic molasses liquorice, stale marshmallows and a bag of Darrell Lea chocolate-coated honeycomb.
The kids went to such an effort to look like princesses and ghouls that I popped the bag of honeycomb in their pumpkin-shaped lolly bucket. Their mum gave me a smile and I hoped like hell they didn’t tell the other kids doing the rounds that I had a stash of good sugar because the stuff I was prepared to part with was running low.
The second group that knocked looked equally cute and I bolted back to the magic pantry for divine re-supplementation. I hit desperation and dipped my hand into the emergency paper bag of Haigh’s chocolates in the hope something that wasn’t Haigh’s filled my hand. All I could find was a block of Lindt milk chocolate and with great reluctance I sent that off with the kids, together with the stern instruction that THEY WERE TO SHARE. I saw them run to the footpath and show the chocolate to their mother/guardian witch figure, and she waved it in her hand like it was the Melbourne Cup. I don’t think the kids will get a chance to share.
I was running low on chocolate, I had PMT and there was no way on earth any tricked-up warlock was going to take the Haigh’s from my hormones. I closed the blinds, shut the front door and hugged my freckles and vanilla fudge bars close to my chest. Sorry, kids, I’ll chuck a reminder in my diary for next October.
Crank-o-meter: craving chocolate
November 1st, 2009 at 4:53 pm
You are much more generous than I am! I think I would have offered up apples or sultanas and pretended that we were too virtuous to keep chocolately treats in the house
November 1st, 2009 at 9:49 pm
wow, i’ve never got much of a stash, but i think that says a hell of a lot about my self control around chocolate! Lindt is my favourite chocolate, i’m like a fiend whenever i have any!
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:46 am
No porch light = no treats. That’s the rule.
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:48 am
Jazz, even my devious mind didn’t have time to think of something so cunning! Here, kiddies, have some cranberry muesli bars MWA HA HA HA HA!
Are you saying you don’t keep much chocolate, Fen, because you’re disciplined, or you wolf it because it’s soooooo good??? You should’ve knocked on my door before the kids dropped by.
They came during the day, lila. Next year is the row of heads on sticks AND a sign saying, “No trick or treaters during daylight hours.” So many rules, so little time …
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
During the DAY??? W. T. F?
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:47 am
Remember, it’s daylight savings, so night’s falling around the little ones beddy byes time.
Let’s see, The Devil and Frankenstein with shades (yes, it was still sunny) got a heap of assorted lollies poured into the pumpkin (they were prepared), a small bag of potato chips (they weren’t prepared), 4 melted Redskins (they weren’t prepared, although since they were interrupted whilst horizontal on the couch, maybe they were prepared for something else) and a $5 note (again, not prepared but greatly appreciated).
If anyone had knocked on our door it would have been a choice between sugar and diary fueled cookies, some Cadbury’s diary milk primate chocloate or my …well, naturally sugar-free/diary free dark chocolate. I know which one mrs harps would have given the kiddies. Probably my last banana.
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:31 pm
During the day, lila! And it’s a safe street! Perhaps this area is competitive for goodies and there was a gang war earlier in the day for first trick or treating rights.
People gave you money, harps??? I’m all over that for next year. Slutty pirate here I come!!!
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:04 pm
No one came past our place this year. Maybe because of the poor return last year? But our current chocolate stash consists of a single marron glace from an artisan chocolate shop that went bust, a bar of 70% from Grenada and half a packet of mint crisp tim tams. Not really worthwhile for a young chocolate fiend.
November 4th, 2009 at 8:55 am
We had a bowl of lollipops ready. Kids were seen in our street. No one came to our door.
Might have something to do with last year, when we had no idea what all the kids were doing in the street, had nothing sugary in the house, and offered everyone fresh oranges from the box we’d bought at the market that week. ‘When I was a kid’, my mum told some of the little people, ‘I got an orange for Christmas some years and it was really exciting’.
I think word got around. Anyone want a lollipop?
November 4th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Foodycat, I might send Fat Couriers over to collect those mint crisp Tim Tams — I find regular Tim Tams too sweet but the mint crisp is just right :-).
Geez, PurpleOwl, I’ve been hogging down the fresh oranges — I’d fill my pumpkin lolly holder with those as long as there was room for a lollypop or two as well!
November 8th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
I live in a street that has been big on Halloween and I have gone with the flow because we live in a house without kids and with two barking dogs. (The no porch light = not joining in is supposed to be the rule here too.) I usually get individually wrapped lollies so no danger of being accused of contamination.
We have had up to 40 trick or treaters - this year less than 10! And it was a Saturday night. I have enough mini malteasers, mars bars & cherry ripes to secure brownie points at work for weeks to come.
What to do next year?
November 9th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Next year, The Cat’s Mother? How about:
A) advertise on MySpace and have 500 sugar-fuelled teenagers rock up and trash your street
B) give me your address and I’ll take some lollies off your hands in a civilised manner (and even say thank you)
I’d go with option B.
(40 is a lot of kids usually though — no wonder you’re securing so many brownie points at work!)
November 9th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I have had a really good day. One of my co-workers is nervously waiting to hear if she has been appointed to the job she has been “acting” in for a year. Chocolate was just the thing.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
PS. Option B sounds good. I warn you the standard of fancy dress is quite high - more than a sheet with holes cut in it. (And I have been known to challenge the big teenagers & tell them they are too old for Trick or Treat!)
November 10th, 2009 at 8:02 am
I hope your co-worker gets good news and more than a little acknowledgement that she’s been doing the job for a whole year.
Um, I was going to crack out the burgundy Snuggie. It’s scary! But if there’s mini Maltesers at risk I can get the knitting needles and start a pumpkin dress.