Meet Gammy Foot

13

Anyone who knows me is constantly reminded of the fact that my foot hurts a lot and has done so for more than 12 months. Finally, oh finally, after doctors, physiotherapists, podiatrists and special shoes, orthotics and (admittedly pretty good for period cramps) anti-inflammatories, the three reasons for Gammy Foot’s existence have been found:

1. There’s a fricking big spur growing out of the top of my toe joint bone

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2. Um, the bone connecting into the toe joint isn’t supposed to be that wonky and grind into the other bone

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3. A bit of bone is floating around where bits of bone oughtn’t

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Thank you to ThePurpleOwl for recommending her podiatric surgeon. If/when I proceed with surgery, my health fund won’t cover much of the cost because he isn’t an orthopaedic surgeon, and Medicare considers foot stuff a “luxury” as one customer service representative said on the phone, so I need to save more dollars to get the job done as I want and not how the system wants. I’d kick the system in the pants if my tootsie didn’t hurt so much.

PS: have you ever tried to take photos of x-rays? It’s bloody difficult!

Crank-o-meter: ouch ouch ouch

29 March 2010

Expanding my elephant sanctuary

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Peeps, there’s another baby elephant in the country who needs a bit of a shout-out and some healing thoughts.

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Source: Taronga Zoo

Little elephant boy Stampy (I should be Minister for Naming Animals of Significance if I can’t be the resident elephant reporter with a daily newspaper — stupid broadsheets have no vision) was born at Taronga Zoo yesterday, after a protracted labour and awkward pre-birthing position that gave every sign the little dude had died in the womb. He struggled out three days later and shocked the bejesus out of everyone involved. That was no earth tremor on Sydney’s north shore yesterday; that was the aftershock of me cheering Stampy’s old-fashioned grit and determination. He’s a little bit shell-shocked but is up on his feet and feeding and signs are getting better that he’ll make it.

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Source: Taronga Zoo

I’m currently working on expansion plans for the proposed elephant park out the back of my house so Stampy and his mother Porntip can come and join the (imaginary) herd. I was laughed at yesterday for saying that because Stampy could have been deprived of oxygen prior to delivery, he might be a special needs elephant.

Regardless, he can come and live at my house any day because special needs elephants might just be my specialty.

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Source: Taronga Zoo

Crank-o-meter: irrationally clucky again

11 March 2010

When good great-granddads go bad

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When I’m not trawling the web for baby elephant photos, I occasionally catch up with the news and the creative ways people find to hurt themselves.

The story below about a sensible, kindly old gent captured my attention.

90-year-old loses licence for speed, drink-driving

March 1, 2010

VICTORIA has a new oldest hoon – a 90-year-old man has lost his licence after drink-driving at more than 20 km/h over the speed limit.

Police detected the man driving along Thompsons Road, Lower Templestowe, on Saturday just after 8.30pm at a speed of 83 km/h in a 60 km/h zone. The Craigieburn man blew more than double the blood-alcohol limit, with a reading of .112.

He told police he had been out with his son for celebratory drinks. He received two fines for excessive speed and drink-driving and immediately lost his licence.

An 80-year-old driver who had previously claimed the title as the state’s oldest hoon was blasted last month by a magistrate after saying he had dozed off when speeding at 150 km/h for more than 20 kilometres.

Farmer and former Sunday school teacher Ron Bell had originally blamed his lead foot on being late for an appointment but later said he had temporarily fallen asleep at the wheel.

AAP

Source: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/90yearold-loses-licence-for-speed-drinkdriving-20100228-pb7l.html

I know police officers have seen everything and are hard to surprise after a few years of cleaning human debris, but wouldn’t you raise an eyebrow if you were on booze bus duty or driving the streets to attend a rowdy party when a nonagenarian fangs past at more than 20km/h over the speed limit? And is pissed as a newt to boot?

And the drunk, lead-footed old dickhead was celebrating something with his son, who it’s safe to assume is of retirement age – what the fuck was he thinking letting his dad drive home? Did father and son have a mature-age arm wrestle to fight over the car keys and the more senior idiot won?

Pensioners are given half-price taxi cards – use them! We the taxpayers would prefer to subsidise your nights on the shandies if you promise to stay off the roads.

Crank-o-meter: i worry for the future

1 March 2010