ms crankypants

I’m tired to the shithouse and can’t put a sentence together without either falling asleep or forgetting what I’m talking about, so here, have a film review by my niece. She is a teenager and I can understand about a third of what she’s saying.

omg.. i went and saw Harry potter on the weekend.. I went with a friend and her family.. it was AMAZING!! The chick i went with, She cried when Dumledore died.. She was like “i dont wanna watch it anymore, make them turn it off.” “Can we leave now.. I don’t wanna get on dvd anymore..” And satuff like that. then when the movie finished we were the first out so noone knew it was her.. and then she saw a cardboard cutout of him and started crying again, so everyone knew it was her who was crying.. It was so cute lol.

If she were Molly Meldrum, she’d be giving two thumbs up, I believe.

Crank-o-meter: it was like totally OMG lol

July 29th, 2009 | Tags: entertainment, family | Category: entertainment, family | Comments (10)

I got a bit excited about a job in the public service gazette and decided to devote a chunk of time on Saturday to responding to the selection criteria (I’d pissfarted about for a week indulging in rescue fantasies about handing in my resignation from the current job but not doing any work towards getting an application in for the potential new job).

Four hours after I cracked open a document to type up how excellent and employable I am, I still hadn’t completed a paragraph. I had:

a) Highlighted some key words in pink — a project has to start somewhere.

b) Scribbled concepts on the selection documentation, stopping to change pens from blue to purple because mono-colouring was like killin’ my creativity.

c) Found the yummiest-sounding recipe for a baked pineapple and ginger syrup dessert and pondered how I might find a sweet pineapple in winter (this took some pondering).

d) Was bribed by four-legged paper messer-upper to play fetch with the manky thing at the left of the photo. It was a stuffed toy a couple of years ago but the house would turn to hell if I threw it out. The neighbours laugh when they see Buffy in the front yard carting it around in her mouth. It’s vile and smells like a pair of old running shoes left to ferment in a sauna for six months.

e) Sent a text message to a workmate saying, “They want me to demonstrate strategic thinking and motivation — but I’m paid not to think and I can’t be arsed!”

f) Um, took and uploaded a photo.

g) Made a high-carb brainfood lunch and contemplated a power nap.

Crank-o-meter: bloody busy

July 19th, 2009 | Tags: work | Category: work | Comments (10)

I was dragged to a meeting the other day to talk about how several sites are going to entertain a busload of students for a week with little budget, little support and little productive stuff for them to do. We discussed ideas for a roadtrip and visits and meeting and greeting and now we’re done, sold, let’s finish up so I can hit my favourite new wool shop and have lunch at my favourite old sushi shop.

I dunno, I must’ve zoned out for a few seconds while working out how many bookshops I could raid before returning to work because everyone was looking at me. I smiled dumbly and waited for someone to talk so I could catch up with the conversation. What’s that, Skippy, they need a female mentor for the female students? Tick, tick, tick.  What’s that, Skippy, you’re the only female in the room and that’s why they’re staring at you? Tick, tick, tick. Hey, Skippy, tick, tick, tick, I think they want you to nod your head and say yes.

Oh, shit, that’s why the meeting leaders were so nice to me when I arrived — I thought it was because of my brilliant ideas and stunning problem solving skills. Ah ha, was just demand for a regular supply of oestrogen again.  Are they that bloody stupid — or desperate — that they’re considering a rapidly aging cynic with anger management and motivation issues to shape the minds of the next generation?

I returned to work and announced to my female co-workers, “YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS BUT MY TITS ARE THE FUTURE OF THIS COUNTRY.” They are scared. If it comes off, I think the female students and I will end up in the newspapers for all the wrong reasons — or teach them how to knit owl socks.

Crank-o-meter: corrupting the future

July 13th, 2009 | Tags: work | Category: work | Comments (9)

Something that’s been on my mind lately is the conservatism of hosiery designers. For the past few centuries, sock design and construction have changed barely an iota, as Exhibit A demonstrates:

See, I nearly made myself fall asleep. Now, consider Exhibit B, my twenty-first century sock design for the next few hundred years:

Several things went wrong. I could possibly rip the instep owl and attempt a rescue, but I don’t know any one-legged children with emaciated broomstick legs who might be able to wear the frigging thing.

Crank-o-meter: back to reading

July 3rd, 2009 | Tags: cranky craft, embarrassing stuff | Category: Uncategorized, cranky craft, embarrassing stuff | Comments (14)